You see something ethically questionable.Notice someone not being included.Run up against offensive speech.Disagree with an opinion that's all too quickly become consensus.Want to add a different idea to the decision-making process.
While we'd all like to think that if we saw something,we'd say something in these situations,we are strikingly bad at anticipating how we'll feel in future circumstances and,for a whole host of cognitive reasons,it can be incredibly difficult to speak up in the moment.In fact,research suggests that most people tend to not act,and then rationalize their inaction.
Research on"realistic optimism”shows that when people set out to do difficult,personally meaningful things,they're more likely to follow through if they expect that the task will be challenging.In speaking up,as in life,one must appreciate the difference between believing you will succeed and assuming that you will do so easily.
To wit:When New York University psychologist Gabriele Oettingen studied women on a weight-loss program,she found that those who thought they would succeed lost 26 more pounds than self-doubters.However,those who thought they would easily succeed lost 24 pounds less than their more realistic peers.
Social motivation comes in five flavors:status,certainty,autonomy,relatedness,and fairness.While there are individual and cultural differences in degree and expression of each domain,everybody needs a sense of esteem within a group,confidence about their experience of life,freedom of choice,social bonds,and reciprocity.Together they form the common currency of interpersonal interaction:the rewards and threats we face when dealing with other people.
When you're speaking up to someone,any one of these five buttons might be pushed,but most commonly it's status,especially when you're communicating up the chain of command.So you need to make it clear that you're not out to get anyone,nor are you necessarily attributing ill will to the person or people you might be speaking about.Show that you are providing feedback on impact,without making any assumptions about intent.For example:"You may not have meant to offend,but here is how I experienced that joke.”You can also dial up the relatedness:"I'm on your side and bringing this up because I care.”And for people who value certainty,you should make your goals abundantly clear at the start of the conversation.The better you know a person,the better you can tailor your approach.
【简要新闻】读书好还是听书好 Better to read or better